||[Jún. 16., 2007|08:13 am]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
I feel kind of relieved. I just hate that an entire part of my life went with the relationship. I used to love his neice and nephew. They were brats but I loved them. Like they wont be calling YEBOONE up the stairs for much longer, once they realise that I am never going to be coming down. I am going to have to find someone else to fix my car and someone else to teach me how to drive shift. Im just lucky he said he would still drive me to school I guess.
It doesnt suck that those things wont get done, it sucks that he wont be doing it, I guess.
It sucks that I am so sad right now, and he won't hold me. It sucks that hippopotamister will never talk to me again. It sucks that I wont get to see mytle the turtle and go looking for frogs. It sucks he won't be there for my birthday.
When I started sating kev, I thought it was going to be a little relationship, but I got so attatched. 18 months man. 18 months and then it might as well be as it never happened. It seemed like last week we were so close. I didnt even know this was going on because he didnt tell me and I was too dumb to pick up on it. That day I was telling my friend how great my relationship was going.
Kev says being friends never works. I guess he is right. But I still hope that maybe one day we can put this resentment behind us, and just be friends again. I don't even want to be in a relationship again. It was dying. It was too much pressure. It's just that he was so fun to be around. We get the same jokes, we hate the same things. We dance to the same music.
I'm going to miss it so much, but I know it cant be any other way. I just want the feeling that this would all feel better if i ge was hugging me to go away.
Its going to be so hard not to be upset this entire wedding.
Oh well I wanted to lose weight anyway. When I am upset I lose weight and when I am single I lose even more.
i hate that 2/3rds of my best friends live so far away. I can't wait for school to start so that they will be back here with me. If julie moved away too I think I would die.
I think I will be happier in the long run. I have been going down this depressed spiral the last few months. I mean I am sad now, but I feel like things will start to look up at the same time.
I just had so much invested in the relationship, I forgot how to make myself happy on my own. It's just weird.
I'm not worried about finding love again, or other guys. I know I can do pretty well for myself. I don't even need a guy.
I know I will move on, that I will be happy again. I know I will dance with other people and they will say they love me. I know that it's not the end up of the world.
WHen he we started dating kevin told me life is cylic, I guess it is. It has it's highs and its lows, just coming down from the highs hurts more then falling into a low.
After this I am going to try not to dwell on it, I don't want to write about it anymore. I just wanted to take a minute and reflect on everything that happened, for the record.
It was a good relationship; we had good times and we had bad times. We laughed and held each other when we cried. It felt good.
Cylic. I am glad it happened. I am glad it is over. Life has a lot to offer, and I havent experienced so much of it yet.
I am totally lieing. This blows. I think I like being a heart breaker then having my heart broken, but think of all these emotions I would have lost out on. hah.
Kev will probably read this and hate me. I resented dylan for being so depressed and mopey, for clinging to me even when I just wanted him to go away. I hope Kevin doesnt go away from this relationship resenting me, and looks back on our time togteher and smiles like I do. I don't want to become just another psycho he has dated.
It doesn't really matter though, does it? After this I am done being mopey and depressed. At least outloud to everyone on the internets and definetly to him. I am not mad. It was what we BOTH needed.
It's like taking gross medicine that taste gross and makes and kinda weasy, but will make you feel better then you were before...