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Yvonne the Nerdmander

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Birthday [Júl. 31., 2007|06:31 pm]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
This is the first birthday I have ever had were I feel significantly different from the one before it. I made a lot of new friends, and I remade friendships with good friends that had drifted apart. My family is important to me as they were when I was five and they were my entire universe (for the first time since I was ten or so). I realize I'm not alone anymore, but am also figuring out how to function as an individual. I feel like all the problems I have had have made me a better person and are shaping me into the woman I am becoming. I am also, apparently, becoming wicked cheesy.

But all in all, it was a good year. I started doing well in school, I moved away from family and grew closer to them, I started caring about exercise, I am beginning to get the concept of zen- I feel peaceful but full of energy. I feel more in control of my life then I ever have, but I still need to learn how to drive. I have never felt so un-grown up.

The weather on my birthday was worse then mediocre and Kev was sick, but somehow the day turned out to be surprisingly good. First Kevin took me out driving, and I'm starting to feel more comfortable behind the wheel. It was a little overwhelming; the combination of driving and growing up- having to drive because I am growing up- upset me. I am not a big fan of either in the first place.

When we got to Kev's house, he went downstairs for a surprise and brought up scrabble; an intense scrabble match ensued... I lost, but that's ok. Kevin hates scrabble with a passion, so the fact he was playing just for me made it so much sweeter. I was cheered up by a million. We had cake and watched shark week; I was very happy.
TengillSvara færslu

depressing post [Jún. 16., 2007|08:13 am]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
[Hugarástand |draineddrained]

I feel kind of relieved. I just hate that an entire part of my life went with the relationship. I used to love his neice and nephew. They were brats but I loved them. Like they wont be calling YEBOONE up the stairs for much longer, once they realise that I am never going to be coming down. I am going to have to find someone else to fix my car and someone else to teach me how to drive shift. Im just lucky he said he would still drive me to school I guess.
It doesnt suck that those things wont get done, it sucks that he wont be doing it, I guess.

It sucks that I am so sad right now, and he won't hold me. It sucks that hippopotamister will never talk to me again. It sucks that I wont get to see mytle the turtle and go looking for frogs. It sucks he won't be there for my birthday.

When I started sating kev, I thought it was going to be a little relationship, but I got so attatched. 18 months man. 18 months and then it might as well be as it never happened. It seemed like last week we were so close. I didnt even know this was going on because he didnt tell me and I was too dumb to pick up on it. That day I was telling my friend how great my relationship was going.

Kev says being friends never works. I guess he is right. But I still hope that maybe one day we can put this resentment behind us, and just be friends again. I don't even want to be in a relationship again. It was dying. It was too much pressure. It's just that he was so fun to be around. We get the same jokes, we hate the same things. We dance to the same music.

I'm going to miss it so much, but I know it cant be any other way. I just want the feeling that this would all feel better if i ge was hugging me to go away.

Its going to be so hard not to be upset this entire wedding.

Oh well I wanted to lose weight anyway. When I am upset I lose weight and when I am single I lose even more.

i hate that 2/3rds of my best friends live so far away. I can't wait for school to start so that they will be back here with me. If julie moved away too I think I would die.

I think I will be happier in the long run. I have been going down this depressed spiral the last few months. I mean I am sad now, but I feel like things will start to look up at the same time.

I just had so much invested in the relationship, I forgot how to make myself happy on my own. It's just weird.

I'm not worried about finding love again, or other guys. I know I can do pretty well for myself. I don't even need a guy.

I know I will move on, that I will be happy again. I know I will dance with other people and they will say they love me. I know that it's not the end up of the world.

WHen he we started dating kevin told me life is cylic, I guess it is. It has it's highs and its lows, just coming down from the highs hurts more then falling into a low.

After this I am going to try not to dwell on it, I don't want to write about it anymore. I just wanted to take a minute and reflect on everything that happened, for the record.

It was a good relationship; we had good times and we had bad times. We laughed and held each other when we cried. It felt good.

Cylic. I am glad it happened. I am glad it is over. Life has a lot to offer, and I havent experienced so much of it yet.

I am totally lieing. This blows. I think I like being a heart breaker then having my heart broken, but think of all these emotions I would have lost out on. hah.

Kev will probably read this and hate me. I resented dylan for being so depressed and mopey, for clinging to me even when I just wanted him to go away. I hope Kevin doesnt go away from this relationship resenting me, and looks back on our time togteher and smiles like I do. I don't want to become just another psycho he has dated.

It doesn't really matter though, does it? After this I am done being mopey and depressed. At least outloud to everyone on the internets and definetly to him. I am not mad. It was what we BOTH needed.

It's like taking gross medicine that taste gross and makes and kinda weasy, but will make you feel better then you were before...

TengillSvara færslu

(án titils) [Jún. 15., 2007|12:55 am]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
i dont care
TengillSvara færslu

neat [Jún. 12., 2007|04:04 pm]
Yvonne the Nerdmander

It was nice to talk to you today and I would like to congratulate you for having your essay chosen to appear in “Embracing Writing”.

I hereby grant to the Kendall/Hunt Publishing Company the absolute right and permission to reproduce the text I have written in the book entitled “Embracing Writing: The First-Year Writing Program at Bridgewater State College” and in future printings and editions. I understand some editing or notation may be added to the essay. I further consent to the publication and copyrighting of this book to be published by Kendall/Hunt Publishing Company in any manner they see fit. Proper acknowledgement of my work will be made at the author’s discretion.

TITLE/DISCRIPTION OF MATERIAL: “Manatee ‘Preservation’ in the State of Florida”

Please respond back with your approval and your essay will appear in the text. I would also request that you send an electronic copy through attachment.

Thanks again,

TengillSvara færslu

(án titils) [Jún. 12., 2007|03:08 am]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
Why is it that whenever someone asks about how me and Kevin are doing and I say GREAT! then things start to go wrong? Whenever I think things have hit a high point they ineffably fall straight down to the bottom?

None of this feels real right now. I feel like everything has to be ok even though the reality is far from that.

I'm scared we might be over for good this time.

life sucks.
TengillSvara færslu

(án titils) [Jún. 12., 2007|12:17 am]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
The concept of Summer is way more fun when your younger.
TengillSvara færslu

(án titils) [Jún. 1., 2007|01:38 pm]
Yvonne the Nerdmander

TengillSvara færslu

(án titils) [Maí. 31., 2007|08:06 pm]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
so it's official...I really shouldn't just do things without thinking. I say this every time in a rash manner, and most unfortunately I know I will end up saying it again. I cut my hair short. Short. Short and horrible.

I wish I didn't care. I want to be one of those uncaring girls that could give two shits about what her hair looks like. I wonder if they really exist.

I wish I was Ana; I hope she doesn't change. Today she went to school wearing gray leggings, a gray tank top, and her black dance skirt. Some people try to dress advant gard like she does...but they try. You can tell that they are rebelling and trying. Ana just is what she is. She wears what she wants because she likes the way it looks, and is the only sensible thing to be wearing.

I finished my first year of college. Woot. I have a 3.56 GPA; so i did pretty well. I just hope I can keep it up because now I have set expectations for my family and anything else just won't cut it.

I am taking math 107 over the summer with Kevin. I like having him in my class. We draw pictures of monsters, and it makes me happy to be there.

AGH my hair. It's all I can think of.
TengillSvara færslu

(án titils) [Maí. 21., 2007|09:33 am]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
Weird dream: Mahoney had set up these huge structures in the field and we had to take pictures of them; then write a fiction story based on them. Adam was letting me share mr. mahoneys camera because mine was out of batteries. I was impressed with the positive light shadows that one of the structures created and everyone rushed over to see. There were like 400 students there. When it finally became my turn to take pictures this whole family kept standing in the way. they were not even taking pictures or even looking at the sculpture. I asked them to move and they smiled and then moved in the wrong direction. THis happened with every single member of the family and I got wicked pissed off because they were so dumb. I yelled "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!" and then people started to walk away from me, thank god. Then me and Adam moved on to the next sculpture, which was the frame of a giant windmill with giant canon balls that were painted at the bottom. I stood on a table and took a picture of the statue and the stream of people walking by. It was like people were being herded. I remembered taking some pretty bad pictures and got snap crazy, but a portion of them turned out amazing. Adam was mad because it was his turn to use the camera and I was hogging it. I gave it to him and started to work on my story, but my story's reality became my reality and it is too confusing to explain. THen i woke up. :-D
TengillSvara færslu

Save the Manatees [Maí. 18., 2007|03:18 pm]
Yvonne the Nerdmander
Manatee 'Preservation' in the State of FloridaCollapse )

since I wrote this essay last semester there has been a movement to downlist the manatee the manatee on a federal level too. Poor manatees :-(
TengillSvara færslu

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